Rae


Bethany:


Dear Reader,
            Butterflies happen to be my favorite. Why? So very many reasons. I love the fact that a butterfly is a delightful combination of a bug and a bird. And the 5 year old side of me is gleeful that something that flies with elegance and grace started out as something that crawled and slid around on its stomach.
            Yes, in a bunch of different ways, butterflies remind me of myself. I spent way too much time and even more energy sliding around and being a gross and fuzzy person. And then just like a butterfly for a season I was shut away, to be quiet to learn and to grow and to be quiet. And all the while, my King was changing me. 
            Transformation is something that God has woven into the very fabric of our planet. Seeds become plants, babies grow, and caterpillars become butterflies. We are never just one thing forever. 
Our bodies are constantly growing, cells dying off and being replaced, hair growing, skin growing. We aren't the same people we were 7 years ago. Emotionally, physically or spiritually we have been changed. 
That is a pretty radical concept to be honest. The Bible puts it beautifully “Behold I am a new creation” (1 Corinthians 5:17).This is my challenge though reader. What does transformation sound like? When a butterfly leaves its cocoon it must rip it open but wiggling around.
Does transformation sound a certain way? Yes dear friend, it does. Because the thing is this, and lean in close because it’s a doozy: Before TRANSFORMATION there must be SURRENDER.


Carol:

               Sometimes the battles go on a long time and that's when we as a church need to go out to the walking wounded and love them.

Rae:

            "I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy." The words fall out in a tumble and a shudder, summing up the past 3 1/2 years. Trying, hoping and pretending to have it all together had done little to help her mindset and her anxiety had skyrocketed. But now, everything had been stripped down and brought out into the light. Now, there was absolutely nowhere to go and nothing to hide behind. Now, it was the hard and cracked truth. Now, it was time to heal. Now, it was time to work. But here she was at 2 am, rocking back and forth in her childhood bedroom after yet another terrible and terrifying nightmare. Sweat formed in large beads as she moved to open the windows and felt the cool air on her face. "It's okay, it’s okay, it’s okay." The words were repetitive and soothing. The simplicity felt slightly like a comfort. She settled into the arm chair watching the bed in front of her, taunting with its blankets and pillows. But, from here, she could keep an eye on the things of the past. From here, she could be an outside observer to her own life. From here, just for a moment she didn't have to be that girl. From here she could just be Rae. 
            Other words could describe her, rather than just rape victim, abuse survivor, and slightly mental 20-something. For just a moment, she could be normal. Or at least a tiny bit okay. She starts to drift off to sleep, surrounded by a mini-fort of blankets and pillows wedged in-between the arm chair and her hips, protecting her from the unseen boogie man that used to be. She finally breathes deep, her eye lids fluttering and before she knows it, she's waking up to the tinny alarm of her cell phone. Six-thirty a.m. and sore muscles, she yawns and gets up to shuffle through her day. Replaying it over and over again in her head. "I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy.”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Alice

Bethany: Dear Reader,              Do you remember that week before Christmas? Mom would be shopping for secrets and lingering in her bedroom for hours on end with the familiar slight ripping sound of wrapping paper. Yeah, that week, where the things that she had set apart all year would finally have their moment. The word sanctification is one that is usually used in religious and church venues means “to be set apart”. To sanctify means to be made better, to be made different by being set apa rt.              The funny thing is, when we heal we have transformation and we have sanctification. They work hand in hand, to change our what-we-used-to-be’s into what we are nows. Like anything beautiful, this process requires work. It insists that we lay down our fear, our anger, and our shame, along with our pride, and our grief. We may write lists of all our hurts, our emotio...
Read more

Kim

Bethany:              It was always nearly impossible for me to spell the word desert. Because it sounded way to much like dessert. And it didn't compute that the only difference between something all sugary and something all dry and barren... Was ONE LETTER. One tiny s changed the whole situation.               But the thing is that when God gives us a desert, he is bringing a dessert. He doesn't waste our Father and he gi ves us sweet things. He uses the dry and the icky and the gross to heal us in an unfathomable way.               Anyways  :)  have a lovely day ladies and be blessed.               And know that God's sweetest gift can be the desert we are in  :)   Carol:         ...
Read more

Welcome to My God Did

                    When the "Me too!" movement began some lovely women were remembering horrible events from their pasts that clearly made them members of the "Me too!" movement. But as they talked they said they needed to tell their stories of victory.  One of them came up with the title "My God Did".             This site is from and for ladies who have experienced terrible abuse, but have come through with grace. They are not shouting “Me too!” (which they have every right to do), but “MY GOD DID!”                     We have several purposes for this site. First, if any of you are trapped in an abusive relationship or a hopeless addiction, we pray you will see there is power to get you out. Secondly, if you have not experienced this, we hope you will find a way to help. I John 3:17-18 says,        " But whoever has ...
Read more