Olivia

Carol:

               Even if you've never used any illegal drug, you can probably identify with Olivia's struggle to live a Godly life.

Olivia

            I like meth. And maybe I shouldn’t say that. But I do. I really, really, like meth. I like the taste, the touch, and the smell of it. I know what it turns me into and yet, I love meth. But I also love Jesus. I know the two sound like contradictions but it’s true. And I am going to try to explain it.
Do you know what a sin nature is? I think that meth is like my sin nature, I want to go back to it sometimes, even though I know what it will do. “Like a dog goes back to vomit” I walk around knowing the truth of how bad it is, but I still want it. But here’s the thing. I want Jesus more, I have had to do a BUNCH of “beating my body into submission in the past two years. And it’s been rough. I struggle with the feeling of having the demon of addiction latched to my skeleton like a parasite. 
            I could tell you so many truths right now, I could say that I was hurt as a child. Which I was. My Mother tried to drown me in ammonia. I could tell you of the first time I was sexually molested, which was when I was 10 by my Grandfather. I could say so many things. But all I really want to say is “run”. 
            And keep running. 
            Fall down at the feet of the Father and abide. Find a church and plug in to it. Listen and learn everything you can. And become the woman of God that knows who she is and is not ashamed.  Become who God created you for. 
            But run. 
            Don’t let the world decide who you are. Don’t let drugs decide that either. Let the God of all creation decide that. 
            Drugs decided so much for me. Drugs told me what to wear and what to eat. Drugs told me who to hang out with and who to leave alone. Drugs told me who to love and who to hate. Drugs told me who I was. Drugs made me quiet. Drugs told me to not call the police. Drugs decided way too much. 
            So please don’t let anyone else but Jesus tell you who you are.

What I learn more of is this: The enemy’s weapons of torment tend to be God's tools of transformation. We already know that our Abba will restore us. He promises that in Joel. We already know that he has a plan for us. We read that in Jeremiah. But the meat of this is different.

Have you seen the movie, “A Wrinkle in Time"? In that movie one of the wise women says to the female heroine, "To you I give the gift of your faults." Now that's irritating. Why is that a gift? And then I put it in a biblical perspective and I got a tiny bit less irritated.

1. Our God already is in this business and He LOVES using things for purposes they were not intended for. He loves using things to help us that Satan wanted to use to hurt us. It gives him joy to flip that script.

2. Also, His STRENGTH is made completely perfect in our weaknesses and that's kind of insanely amazing.

So maybe using that logic, if I was to look at my faults as gifts . . . Stubbornness turns into determination!? No, a bad attitude is still that. However, it can turn into an opportunity. Stubbornness is a gift because it becomes a lesson, a moment where God gets to TEACH me. My insecurity turns into a moment that God DECLARES I am safe (Zephaniah 3:17)